When I started writing this post I was sitting in my bed in the Philippines and planning on writing a magnificent blog for everyone on how we victoriously moved on from the pain and loss into life that no longer hurt. It just hasn't worked that way yet and thankfully after some much needed time with my Mum and Pastor Amy I am satisified that I am not just trying to move on and forget what has happened instead I am trying to reach a place where my emotions have been guided through all the areas where it has hurt because of loss.
This journey has involved a whole lot of learning about the powerful emotion, grief. I have been blessed to have incredible support during this journey and my true friends have shone so brightly and been such a blessing to me. I am still amazed at the connection that I felt for my precious child even though I had never had the privilege of meeting him/her. I am also stunned by the grief I have felt for "what could have been."
It has been over a month since we lost our baby and the feeling of loss is still real, the pain of losing someone so precious and the physical challenge of recovering from substantial blood loss are still a challenge. Although now I can look at babies without crying and I can celebrate with friends their joy in pregnancy. I am stronger physically and although not ready to run a 10km race, I did make the flight to Australia with no problems.
Grief is a powerful emotion and one that many of us don't know how to navigate when we are in the midst of it. This seems to result in either a determined pushing through which demands us to supress the emotions or we sink into a depression not knowing how to move on. Interestingly loss comes in many forms and grief can be attached to every type of loss, much like stress can be attached to every type of change...good and bad.
Next blog "Australia, Larger than Life"
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