Reconciliation - not a public event

As a vital first step in the RAFT building process, David Pollock introduces to our world of transition and change the concept of "Reconciliation" before departure. Although familiar with the word and even the concept to certain levels, what David asks us to do is not something that has come instinctively. To intentionally set out to resolve interpersonal conflicts is like walking through a heavy wooden door without the certainty of what is waiting to greet us on the other side. That underlying fear or perhaps the knowledge that "this season is over so why bother with something I plan to leave here?" could be enough motive to completely skip this step. Don't!

 

The sun will breakthrough the dark clouds.

Through this part of my journey in transition, I have discovered this step can be very simple and also very healing. Although far from perfect, and I am certainly not saying "do as I do," I have discovered that this step does not have to be massively traumatic, nor does each reconciliation have to be a huge event with candles, tears and a dramatic argument. Although some may fall into that category, many fall into the simple misunderstanding or "think you personally are cool but don't think we work well together" criteria.

 

Over the years there are plenty of opportunities to offend, hurt others unintentionally and even walk away wondering what on earth went wrong? It is important to know that not everything can be resolved but "I did what I could." In some instances it has meant writing an email or facebook message, while others a face to face was required and sometimes a gift or a meal to "seal the deal" was needed. 

 

At first this step was overwhelming by the sheer magnitude of the years we have been here and the people we have encountered. So where do you start? For me, believe it or not, at the beginning. This has actually been a very rewarding experience (so far) as I have walked through memory lane and found so much more positive even in the midst of looking to see if there was a need for reconciliation anywhere. Try to enjoy the journey not harping on the painful and remember the next piece of the RAFT is way more fun.

Build a RAFT

Travel throughout different cultures can be a frightful journey or an enlightening, awe inspiring and memory building experience. There are so many ways to approach travel: the direct route, the guided tour, the back packers paradise or "adventures are us". Adventure is at the core of this family, guided tours are for the faint hearted, for those not willing to explore the back streets and get off the beaten path. When presented with a choice, heading out into the great unknown without guides is far more exciting than following the same path tread by tourists day after day.

 

This same mind set can be applied to life itself and for anyone who knows our family, life was created to be enjoyed, experienced with adventure not just lived. However, how does a change of this magnitude occur with the least trauma, emotional distress and long lasting pain? Moving back to Australia has so many mixed emotions involved that there is no easy way to express them all, in fact each family member feels something different. So what do we do? We build a RAFT.

 

For this journey of moving countries we have selected several tour guides to walk with us and make the path less treacherous. These guides have "been there done that" and have words of wisdom to help with the journey. David Pollock the author of "Third Culture Kids" is one such guide. His wisdom has been the tour guide for many a parent or individual preparing to move cultures. One of his suggestions to build a RAFT.

 

Reconciliation

Affirmation

Farewells

Think Destination

 

For practical demonstrations of what a RAFT looks like stay tuned for the next instalment of this blog.

Wearing the Other Shoe

Sometimes it seems to sneak up on you, with an intense desire to blindside you out of your comfort zone propelling you into something new. Initially, often seen as an adversary but given time and the right attitude can become an ally in the battle to never become stale and stagnant. For most people change is not comfortable and yet it is inevitable for those who desire to continue to grow and develop both individually and professionally. Thankfully in most circumstances change is accompanied by a less aggressive friend called transition, who given some room and time can cushion the blows of change creating a more palatable ride into what is looming on the horizon.

 

Change is constant and as missionaries we are very familiar with the transient lifestyle. Meeting new families, quickly becoming friends and inevitably saying goodbye because of change. We have learned to take relationships seriously, love hard but hold loosely because change has this nasty way of sneaking up and taking friends far away, over oceans and into different countries.

 

Having been wearing the "staying in the country and saying goodbye to friends" shoe again and again for so many years it is an unusual sensation and a completely different journey to be wearing the proverbial other shoe. This is a journey, not one to be taken lightly and not to be dismissed as trivial by anyone who may not understand the gravity of the situation being faced by the individual, especially the children involved in change.

 

Through this blog we invite you to walk through this journey of change as we pack up our lives in the Philippines and move back to Australia.